Intimacy Anorexia is the “active” withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from the spouse. The anorexic has little to no appetite for intimacy. The husband or wife  (Intimacy Anorexia is an equal opportunity addiction) wants to create an image of marriage for others to see, without the risk of true intimacy. To avoid this intimacy, the anorexic will choose specific behaviors to keep the spouse at a safe distance. They may choose busyness or blame – rarely seeing their own responsibility when issues come up. They withhold love, praise, and even sex by not having sex or not being “present” during sex. They may pray or go to a Bible study with others, but at home, they withhold spiritually from their spouse. They are unable or unwilling to share their feelings with their mate but freely share their feelings with others. There is ongoing or ungrounded criticism of the spouse. The anorexic may use anger or silence for hours or maybe even days to keep their spouse at bay. They may control or shame around money. Lastly, they treat their spouse more like a roommate than a lover. If you see these behaviors in yourself or your spouse, there is the hope of restoring your heart, your life, and with your spouse’s cooperation, your marriage as well. As a recovering Intimacy Anorexic, I can coach you through the process of recovery.